Backing up my tweets because of my paranoia about losing things forever.

It’s really very heartbreaking to watch him search all over the house for beef for hours.

Americans, always shoving things up other things’ arses.

I have no idea what I meant by this.

Something. Something. The Epiphany.

And don’t tell me to get a chicken, because turkey tastes way better than chicken.

I was buying groceries for the whole week, not just Christmas, so I don’t count here.

Ask me about my views on religion.

Greatest actor ever. I will fight you.

I’m basically a giant, lazy cat.

Stop trying to convince me that Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are super sexy. They look like they need to be spoonfed some soup.


All for now. Perhaps, all for ever.

I like backing up my tweets here, because my website is way less annoying that Twitter. Infinite scroll my ass.

I’m still pissed off about this. Tweetdeck was my favourite Twitter app. It was lightweight, fast and it didn’t have any stupid nonsense like sponsored posts. The only app I get madder about is the death of Google Reader.

Seriously, it can’t be sanitary to be wiping something imbued with rotten meat chunks all over a cup.

Then again, I can’t understand many southern American accents.

Does everyone’s mom count as a monster?

Just stop putting rotten fruit in everything. It just makes things horrible.

Comic Serif does exist. I have gazed upon its hideousness.

Enjoy your forever sleep, kiddoes.

Can somebody for the 80s please explain this to me? Trapper Keepers just seem to over-complicate everything.

I picked the spoon up and the bowl came with it.

If you know what this is a reference to, you win one entire internet.


Done for now.

The past has returned. The past of twitter.

I would eat a sandwich for every meal, if I could.

And, yet, I don’t feel like I’ve missed much.

I actually think that Ethan Phillips is a really good actor.

Robocop 2 where every character is played by a fluffy kitten!

Actually, I think that this is an event that happened in real life.

And we used to watch R-rated movies all the time, because I have an older brother and sister, too. But those damn wheeler bastards…

One day I’m going to go on a rant about how I think that action stars have gotten way too bulky.

Remember when the wrestling clown would fight the voodoo priest? The 90s were stupid.

What’s the polar opposite of quirky?

I need me one of those cake pop makers.


Well, that’s all for now. GOODBYE!


Making my website load that itty-bitty fraction of a second faster was well worth the trouble.

Or sometimes you’re a fairy, I guess.

New Text Document has about a thousand identical twin brothers.

The Devil runs a pawnshop.

I don’t have an unhealthy obsession with Jeff Goldblum. Obsessing over Jeff Goldblum is the healthiest thing that a human can do.

The Darkest Timeline has no sandwiches.

Seriously, it’s stuck in my head at this very moment.

Wow. It’s like a visual pun or something.

Window wells: because you like to watch as your basement gets flooded.

The answer is: eggs.



Twit to the twat. Tweeter to the twoot.

All I remember about Who’s the Boss is that it is a thing that existed.

And the rich kids are always trying to ruin our fun.

Is this funny? I don’t understand religion.

I’m always full of cold cuts, in any case.

The only instrument that I know how to play is the clarinet… badly.


Next, I’m going to learn the mouth trumpet.

I need a bacon infusion.

Well. You do.

Do they have pancakes in space?


I don’t really know why I feel the need to back my tweets up here. Would Twitter ever just eat all my tweets one day? It’s probably more likely that my website would die.

And I never have anything important to say there, anyway.

I’m awful serious about the sammiches.

Carmen Miranda-ing would be way more fun to do to your enemies than glitter bombing.

It should really only be used on the armpits of teenage boys.

The Net has it forever and ever and ever.

This is one of the reasons that I don’t wear socks, unless it’s really, really cold.

We need to break the cycle and achieve cinematic nirvana!

Really. Think about it.

Well, that’s all for today.

Go do something useful.

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