Laurel Green

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #1

Laurel Green — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:44:09 +0000

I was going through my Twitter archive, which meant scrolling down for, like, half an hour, because Twitter timelines can only be viewed in infinite scroll mode and not proper paginated archives like any non-crazy person would like. (I’m thinking of writing an article about how much I hate infinite scroll, one day.)

So, anyway, if I went through all that trouble scrolling, you’re going to have to relive some of my favourite old tweets with me.

Bork! Bork! Bork!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) June 19, 2009

This is my first ever tweet! I like Swedish Chef!

John Tesh taught me how uncool freon huffing is!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) July 27, 2009

I think I was listening to The John Tesh Radio Show, and he did a a public service announcement about the dangers of huffing. If you’re a kid and you’re listening to The John Tesh Radio Show, I think that huffing freon is the least of your worries.

Why don't the musketeers ever use their muskets?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) July 27, 2009

Sometimes, I wonder if Alexander Dumas even knew what a “musketeer” really was. Seriously, why were the three musketeers always using swords? It’s their job to use guns!

I enjoy pops of both the orange and grape varieties. What does this say about me?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) August 1, 2009

Yeah, that’s right, I say “pop” instead of “soda”.

I still can't believe that Dinobot is dead…
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) August 5, 2009

They used to kill-off characters way more often in shows when I was a kid. I’d like to see them kill-off someone in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or SheZow, or whatever all these weirdo kids are watching these days. What in the world is a “Bakugan” anyway? I hate you.

Why doesn't The Sims 3 give me the option to have mothers breastfeed their babies? These babies aren't going to get useful cyber antibodies!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) August 7, 2009

Seriously, The Sims, no virtual baby of mine should drink formula.

In The Sims Medieval, breastfeeding was the only option, BUT they blurred it out like it was offensive or something, bleh. I think they should have included the option for the noble sims to use a wet nurse.

How come only Captain Picard got a sweet swede jacket?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) August 12, 2009

Is it a rule that, when you work your way up to captain, that you’ve earned the right to look cooler than everyone else?

There is such thing as an organic toxin. Just ask a dart frog.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) August 24, 2009

This is probably me getting angry at some saying that synthetic things are full of “toxins”. Eat some nightshade why don’t you and then extoll the virtues of how free of “toxins” the natural world is.

Plastic surgery for hand models?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) August 29, 2009

Yeah, do hand models ever get plastic surgery to make their hands look younger? At what age do hand models usually get pushed out of the business?

I have copied every floppy that I have ever owned! BwahahahAHAHHAHA…
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) September 12, 2009

It was standard procedure in our house, that when you bought a new game on floppy disk, that you made back-ups of it. An errant magnetic field could wipe-out your originals, after all.

Well, that’s all for this week’s Twitter Timewarp Tuesday. Join me next week, where we’ll relive more inane things that I’ve posted that nobody cares about.

Weird Stuff on My New Composition Book

Laurel Green — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 04:52:46 +0000

I got two new composition books today and one of them has this written on it in tiny print:

COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL INTERVENTIONS HAVE ALSO BEEN SHOWN TO HAVE A
ACHIEVEMENT. INTERVENTIONS SUCH AS SELF-INSTRUCTIONAL
IN LOOKING AT PROBANDS OF PARENTS, BIEDERMAN ET AL. (1993) ALSO
CONCLUDE ADHD AND LEARNING DISABILITIES ARE INDEPENDENT, AND
RATHER DUE TO RANDOM MATING, THEREFORE NOT ETIOLOGICALLY
DEPENDENT. OTHER RESEARCHERS CLAIM THE INTELLECTUAL DEFICIT LIES
IN PHYSIOLOGICAL ANOMALIES. MORE SPECIFICALLY, IMBALANCE IN THE
IN LOOKING AT PROBANDS OF PARENTS, BIEDERMAN ET AL. (1993) ALSO
CONCLUDE ADHD AND LEARNING DISABILITIES ARE INDEPENDENT, AND
IN LOOKING AT PROBANDS OF PARENTS, BIEDERMAN ET AL. (1993) ALSO
CONCLUDE ADHD AND LEARNING DISABILITIES ARE INDEPENDENT, AND

So, yeah, my new notebook has bits of a paper on learning disabilities hidden in the art. That’s… special.

The Internet is Dead

Laurel Green — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 18:22:00 +0000

Oi! Didn’t you hear? The internet is DEAD! All of its organs failed one by one.

Herein lies the sad timeline of the internet’s decline and demise:

BBSes are dead because nobody uses DOS anymore, grandpa. Also, when you want to go to a different BBS, you have to enter in a different number and wait for it to connect? Nuts to that jazz!

Legend of the Red Dragon is fun though…

Newsgroups are dead because giant of ASCII art signatures. Wow, you spent 3 days making a 100 line picture of Jean-Luc Picard out of commas and semi-colons? End every one of your messages with it!

Forums are dead because, really, forums are just newsgroups with an ugly backgrounds and annoying author avatars. Yes, I really think that the portrait that embodies you best is an animated .gif of an arch vile from DOOM. Plus, who wants to spend their time moderating a bunch of idiots?

Chatrooms are dead because of perverts.

Blogs are dead because the posts are too long and all the kids with the ADHD are too impatient to read them. Also, they update too infrequently. Today’s culture demands instant gratification.

Social networks are dead because everyone’s mom and boss has a profile now and it isn’t fun anymore. Nobody wants to interact in a place where all their actions will be under intense scrutiny.

Twitter is dead because of those goddamn hashtags. Also, everyone has updates from every service that they belong to funneled into Twitter. Nobody cares that you just favourited a video on Youtube or that you liked something on Facebook. Stop cluttering-up the feed with your inane noise!

Tumblr is dead because it’s horrible. Really, Tumblr should have been DOA, in my opinion. There are some absolutely stupid bits of Tumblr. The most egregious of which is that 4 out of the 7 posts types have no way for you to set a proper post title for them. Search engines and aggregators need titles to function properly!

Other things I dislike about Tumblr:

There is no way to generate a list of all the tags you’ve use and their URLs, making it hard to construct tag archives
Tumblr only keeps tacks of up to 200 posts with a certain tag, when you tag more than that the older posts start getting dropped from that tag’s archive
There is no way to style your archives
When a person likes one of your posts, they get a link in your post’s notes to their Tumblr, but you only get a link back from their Tumblr if they have decided to display their likes in their theme. This has created a culture of users liking everything that they see in order to generate a zillion backlinks for themselves, while suffering no consequences.

Anyway, go have a look at my Tumblr: tumblr.laurelgreen.com

Pinterest is dead because 99.99% of the content on Pinterest is stolen. I dislike that in our current culture that people seem to derive the same sense of achievement from finding great content as one would normally get from creating great content. Finding a bunch of beautiful paintings does not make you an artist, reposting other people’s delicious recipes does not make you a chef, and removing watermarks and origin URLs does not make that content yours. If you have the time to search through the internet to find 300 photos of organic freetrade purple felted wool hats, then you have the time to create something of your own to share with the world.

A strange thing, though, that despite being dead, all of these services are still used actively by many people. Maybe people should be more worried about which venue bests serves their particular audience, rather than caring about what’s the newest, coolest thing. The newest thing will be dead soon enough anyway.

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 28: Weird Dog Doodle

Laurel Green — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 04:37:37 +0000

*WOOF*

Well, here is my last thing for Thing-A-Day 2013, and it’s a cruddy-looking dog doodle.

I’ve gotten a little burnt-out at the end here.

Anyway, if you’ve missed any of my past things, here they are:

Or, you can just check out my Thing-A-Day 2013 category.

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 27: BugGirl Doodle

Laurel Green — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 04:53:05 +0000

BOO!

It’s BugGirl! She has all the powers of a bug, or something.

There’s only one more day left to go in Thing-A-Day 2013. I’ve made a thing for every day thus far. Let’s hope I don’t choke tomorrow.

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 26: Happy Monster Doodle

Laurel Green — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 04:08:20 +0000

SURPRISE!

The power just went out for a couple of seconds, so I’ve whipped up this doodle of a monster quickly, because if the power went out again, I probably wouldn’t able to get a thing up for today.

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 25: Weird Messy Crocheted Ball

Laurel Green — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 04:47:10 +0000

Wha?

Just keep putting 2 sc crochet in every st until you have a weird wavy crocheted ball, or you go nuts, whichever comes first.

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 24: Octopus Doodle

Laurel Green — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 23:07:33 +0000

GAH!

I didn’t really want to do any doodles for Thing-A-Day, because I do a doodle every day at doodleperdiem.laurelgreen.com, but I couldn’t think up anything else to do, so, here we go, today’s thing is a doodle.

I’m not sure why I like drawing octopuses so much?

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 23: Yet Another Bracelet

Laurel Green — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 04:58:17 +0000

PRETTY!

I made yet another bracelet. This one has green beads.

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 22: Another Bracelet

Laurel Green — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 04:46:34 +0000

Metallic!

I’m not really sure that these metallic doodads count as beads, but I’m using them to make bracelets anyway.