Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #22

Nobody tweets like me. Nobody.

This is the type of thing I think is clever when I have a head cold.

Just when you think that the world has hit peak hipster…

I have fixed-gear rollerblades.

Oh, you don’t like it when people are out late, officer? Well, the dog has to pee when the dog has to pee.

Christmas is even creepier, though. Santa, snowmen and reindeer on a drought-ravaged lawn is just eerie.

You should see my guns.

You know Laurel, when most people go crazy, they do something fun like chew someone’s face off. You just do things like stick a div inside a div inside a div inside a div…

And then they did it again on two other separate occasions. So, basically, someone was puking in front of my house on purpose. I heard them once at about 4AM. I considered calling the police, but they would probably be long gone by the time the police showed up and what would you even charge them with?

And since it was winter, it froze and stayed there for weeks. Judging by how pink it was, this person was eating a lot of shrimp.

This is a story you needed to hear.

German compound words are fun!

I’m a lovely human being.



And now to return to my lair!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #21

Sure, posting my favourite old tweets is stupid and pointless, but I’m bored, so whatever.


I just can’t resist weird beverages.

It’s true. When mixed with orange pop, cucumber vodka tastes like a madarin salad.

Did you know that it’s actually impossible to create a Tumblr theme that’s 100% valid html? Seriously, just the Like button itself is full of errors.


It’s the world’s most important subject.

My ancestors belonged to a proud warrior race.

And I’m not just saying that because I can’t whistle properly.

I’m a regular ole mixologist and junk.

Jugs take up so much room in the garbage. I hate them so much.



I may see you again. I may not. Who knows in these dark days?