Our Christmas crackers from last year had these little wires with golden baubles on each end wrapped around them and I thought they were neat, so I saved them. Well, I was looking at the bauble wires today and I thought, you know, those might make a cute ring, so I twisted the wires into a loop and arranged the baubles into a sort of flower shape.
BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. TWITTER. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.
They told me not to try it at home, so I tried it at work.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) July 13, 2011
There’s always a loophole.
People say, "Curiosity killed the cat." But, if that were true, wouldn't the "curious" trait have been bred out of cats by now?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) July 13, 2011
Ergo, curiosity is a good thing for cats to have.
What do they do if a kid pees in the ball pit?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 15, 2011
Seriously, do they have to take all the balls out and hose everything down? Or, do they just let the pee settle to the bottom of the pit and hope that everything dries off eventually?
Should professional poker players be allowed to use Botox?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) November 6, 2011
Jennifer Tilly is a poker player and I’m pretty sure that she’s been Botoxed to Hell and back. Her face is frozen, so she doesn’t have to make any effort to maintain a poker face. Why isn’t Botox considered a performance enhancing drug in poker? Also, you shouldn’t be allowed to get plastic surgery on your face and be a professional poker player.
Dividing by zero is not nearly as bad as dividing by negative zero.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) November 12, 2011
Heh. Math jokes.
I don't understand moisturizer for normal skin. If your skin is already normal, what do you need a moisturizer for? Do you want damp skin?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 16, 2012
If you want your skin to look nice into your old age, just quit futzing around with it so much.
They need to make it illegal to remove the kitchen scissors from the kitchen.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 19, 2012
I have freezies that need opening consarnit!
It's not even the real Wiarton Willie. IT'S A FAKE WILLIE!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 2, 2012
Seriously, Canada had a conspiracy where our weather predicting groundhog, Wiarton Willie, was replaced with an impostor. They call the new groundhog “Wee Willie”. Canada is fun.
I wonder what the properties of literal snake oil are? I bet it's good to cook with or something. All this delicious snake oil is wasted.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 25, 2012
I bet snake oil is more effective than homeopathy.
My morose parrot only knows the word "why".
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 7, 2012
Heh. Depressed animal jokes.
BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. NEXT WEEK. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.