My dog thinks he’s people. Like, really thinks he’s people.

Yesterday, he waltzed into the living room and complained about how hipsters are ruining everything. This is improper behaviour for a dog. Perhaps I have trained him badly.

He only eats kale and quinoa now. He’s on a paleo diet or something. Won’t even look at his kibble. Ever seen a dog scoff at something? I think that it’s him that’s really the hipster. Hipster dogster.

He owns an investment property on the west coast and he wants to purchase a small bungalow to rent out. I have tried using the spray bottle on him to deter this behaviour to no avail.

He has a credit card. He gets drunk and buys chew toys on Amazon. If I act more dominant, do you think that he will become more respectful with his purchases? I really want to be a pack leader.

I think that he’s doing drugs. Is he lashing out because he’s not stimulated enough? Maybe I need to take him for walkies more often, so that he can get enough exercise to not need to self-medicate.

He complains that I don’t respect his personal space. Ha! This is coming from the guy who will sit right next to my feet and lick his balls for an hour. Lousy hypocritical dog.

He says that he wants to take a year off of school to backpack around Europe and find himself. Duder can’t even find his own tail.

Conversations With My Dog

I talk to my dog a lot…

a drawing of laurel's shih tzu dog
Tibet wouldn’t stay still, so this colouration is all wrong.


  • Why do you have a moustache?
  • Who said you could be a dog?
  • What is your tail even for?
  • What’s with all of these feets?
  • Who is this guy even supposed to be?
  • Why is your face so squishy?
  • Why are you so tiny?
  • Why are you so cute?
  • Why don’t you wear pants?


  • You’re just a moustache with a dog attached!
  • You don’t even know what your butt is for!
  • You don’t even know that you’re a dog!
  • You’re just a miniature-sized bear-beast pretending to be a dog!
  • You have a severe moustache disorder!
  • You’re ridiculous!
  • You just sit around in your pyjamas all day!
  • You’re not a real dog!
  • This guy is just a guy!
  • You don’t have the proper license to be a dog!


  • You’re the world’s most fuzziest guys!
  • You’re the smallest guy that ever lived!
  • You have a moustache!
  • You’re tiny!
  • You’re a bear!
  • You’re my best guys!
  • I’m going to eat you!

And, of course, he just stares back at me with a confused look on his face…

…But that’s how humans also respond to me sooooooo…

Names You Can Call My Dog

His given name is Tibet, but, as he has travelled throughout this great land setting right what once went wrong, my dog has picked up many nicknames.

a drawing of laurel's shih tzu dog
Tibet wouldn’t stay still, so this colouration is all wrong.

Here are some names my legendary dog goes by:

  • Snorf Snarf
  • The Poopster
  • The Floofster
  • The Woofster
  • The Poopmeister General
  • Mr. Dogs
  • Mr. Dog Pants
  • Mr. Poop Dogs
  • Dogly Dogovitch
  • Mr. Moustache Man
  • Mr. Moustache Pants
  • Mr. Mustard Sausage
  • Mr. Sausage Pants
  • Pork Chop Pants
  • The Dog Bear
  • Mr. Bears
  • Dogtonio Banderas
  • The Floofetty Fluff
  • The Floof-Dog
  • The Goof-Dog
  • Scoobs
  • The Butt
  • Tiny

Thing-A-Day 2013 Day 28: Weird Dog Doodle

a cruddy looking dog drawing

Well, here is my last thing for Thing-A-Day 2013, and it’s a cruddy-looking dog doodle.

I’ve gotten a little burnt-out at the end here.

Anyway, if you’ve missed any of my past things, here they are:

Or, you can just check out my Thing-A-Day 2013 category.