EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN!
Still waiting on Facebook adding "symbiotic" and "parasitic" to the relationship status options.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 22, 2011
For a while, Facebook wouldn’t allow you to list “civil union” or “domestic partnership” as your relationship status. To this day, I don’t think that they allow any type of polyamorous relation to be listed, not with more than one person listed in the partnership at least.
I had to call someone up to get them to tell a computer to do something. Why couldn't I just talk to the computer directly?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 5, 2011
My bank makes you call in for just about every little change to an account. They always try to upsell you on junk you don’t need and half the time they don’t seem to understand what it is that you’re asking for.
Who eats these individually wrapped pickles that I keep seeing in gas stations here?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 7, 2011
Is this some sort of covert drug paraphernalia thing? Sometimes it’s only a quarter pickle slice type of deal.What kind of a person goes into a gas station and buys a part of a pickle? It’s just weird.
My teeth are so clean I could eat off of them.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 12, 2011
I don’t understand people that make sure that their dishes are spotless, but don’t brush their teeth.
If I can smell your barbeque, then I'm invited to it.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 3, 2011
It’s cruel to have a delicious-smelling barbeque and not to invite poor, starving Laurels to partake in that deliciousness.
I've always wanted to go into a restaurant and say "belay that order!"
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 4, 2011
Basically, I want to go into a restaurant and be an ass, is what I’m saying here.
Million dollar idea: soup-flavoured cracker spread
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 10, 2011
What is with people that put so many cracker in their soup that it’s not really soup anymore? I think they just really want an excuse to eat crackers. My patented cracker-flavoured spread is the ultimate solution for them.
Where does "teehee" come from? It's impossible to make a "t" noise while laughing.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 21, 2011
Try and laugh while making a T noise. TRY IT.
Hhhhmmmm, a box labeled "nails, hooks and chains"… Ever seen that movie Hellraiser?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 15, 2011
Cleaning out people’s weird hoards is always fun.
Pink toilet paper is creepy.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 29, 2011
I hate coloured toilet paper. HATE IT. It’s just so wrong and icky.
That’s all for this week and junk. See you on the flipside of the downlow.