Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #32

TWITZ!

According to the internet, this may not have been a meteor at all and may have been a flare that someone fired off, which just makes the event all that more bizarre. I guess someone was trying to signal for help and I didn’t come to their aid. :/

Does it still count as a fruit serving when it’s surrounded by chocolate?

The snuggle-pooch goes nuts for peas. He sits there and whines at me like he’s starving to death, until I give him my peas.

VEGETABLES ARE GOOD FOR YOU!

The Phlegmish are a very stuck-up and snotty people.

Hey, people building apartment buildings, include some sort of parcel drop-off box so that your tenants don’t constantly complain about their stupid Amazon crap getting stolen.

Mr. Falcon didn’t fly so good.

Maybe, I should have gone up and talked to him, even though I was carrying a bag of poop? People say that cute little dogs are babe-magnets, but they always fail to factor in all the poop.

Remember parity? Wasn’t that a golden age?

Are people taking bets on the date of my inevitable coronary event, yet?

 

 

BLARGH!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #20

My tweets are inane? YourĀ butt is inane.

Maybe it belongs to the tree. It’s the tree’s house. The tree has to invite the vampire in.

A-BOAT

Preferably teenagers 16 or over, so I don’t get in trouble.

The dog is into hair metal.

Digital cameras are racist against me.

It’s the “Do Your Homework and Stay in School” challenge!

I have no idea what this was about. If you know what this was about, please contact me.

Just drink out of a normal glass. It doesn’t have to be a “space” glass.

I am not a morning person.

Yep. That’s pretty much what I do all day.

 

 

I must away! So long! Farewell!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #19

This is the form that my boredom takes.

It’s revenge for having The Girl from IpanemaĀ stuck in my head for 10 years.

Nothing is improved through the addition of goo.

This “scary logos” thing can’t possibly be real, can it? It just seems so stupid.

Icky, giant guinea pigs.

Beer has very important nutrients in it.

This probably isn’t true, but I’m not looking up all the names of all the different storms.

I almostĀ died.

I live like a frat boy.

Tourists are the worst.

 

 

I go do other things now.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #18

MOAR TWEETS

Yeah, Science, get on it already.

Now, he’s my least favourite sun god.

Truly, it was the holiest of days.

I don’t mess with anything that can pounce on me from above.

Urgh. I was just imagining what that would smell like.

Where am I supposed to put my crayon drawings?

I have such nostalgia for commercial breaks.

I want to go back in time and be the guy who leaves caches of enchanted weapons in random places.

You should see how much my face swells up when I mow the lawn.

I will sit there with my indecisiveness until the time reads “999”.

 

BYE!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #11

Twit to the twat. Tweeter to the twoot.

All I remember aboutĀ Who’s the BossĀ is that it is a thing that existed.

And the rich kids are always trying to ruin our fun.

Is this funny? I don’t understand religion.

I’m always full of cold cuts, in any case.

The only instrument that I know how to play is the clarinet… badly.

MR. MIME

Next, I’m going to learn the mouth trumpet.

I need a bacon infusion.

Well. You do.

Do they have pancakes in space?

GRAGH! ARGH! GRRRRRRR!