I *TECHNICALLY* Completed NaBloPoMo 2014

Well, another NaBloPoMo has come and gone. I managed to do a post every day this month, so I win NaBloPoMo this year, or something. Sure, most of what I posted was complete and utter nonsense, but, whatever, there’s no reason you have to read it, so bleh.

Here are all my NaBloPoMo posts from this year:

  1. NaBloPoMo 2014
  2. Conversations With My Dog
  3. This Energy Drink is Doing Nothing for Me
  4. “Eric Conveys an Emotion” is Going to Update! Just You Wait and See!
  5. 20 Litres and a Pound of Butter up a Hill
  6. The One Rule is to Write
  7. Things That You Can Place in a Small Box
  8. This Christmas, Get Me What I Really Want
  9. Half of My Head is Full of Goo
  10. My Ear is Still Being Weird
  11. Things That You Can Put in a Soup
  12. I Ate Half a Cake
  13. Winter Hope
  14. THOSE ARE MY SHOES GIVE THEM BACK YOU ARE A DOG THEY DONT EVEN FIT
  15. We’re Doing Good
  16. Winter Solstice Foods That I Hate
  17. People Keep Dropping Off Sprockets at My House
  18. The Donair Egg Rolls Weren’t Very Good
  19. Things That Should Exist
  20. Cooking Fails
  21. I Made a Really Tasty Chicken Today
  22. Things They Should Make Movies About
  23. Gnomes I Have Met
  24. Why I Don’t Wanna Write
  25. Real Donairs are Better than Frozen Ones
  26. Things You Don’t See on Fire Much
  27. May You All Fight Valiantly on Black Friday
  28. Fun Things to Do On a Sunny Day
  29. The World Famous Eric J.
  30. The Squirrels are About to Overthrow their Oppressors

Did I learn anything this year? No. I have learned absolutely nothing. I think that I may have even forgotten some things that I used to know.

Fun Things to Do On a Sunny Day

  • Share a malt with your best gal
  • Play soccer
  • Volunteer with your local youth group
  • Snipe hunt
  • Build a treehouse
  • Plant some hemlock
  • Train prairie dogs to do your bidding
  • Commandeer a small aircraft
  • Check on your moonshine
  • Try new and interesting wild mushrooms
  • Dig a giant hole
  • Glue pennies to the sidewalk
  • Break into the ape enclosure at the zoo
  • Look for treasure
  • Make a dress out of bees
  • Sing to old people, even if they tell you to stop
  • Get involved in a daring caper
  • Skip everywhere
  • Pick wildflowers and leave them as a tribute to a mailbox
  • Stand in the middle of a crowd and stare in one direction for hours
  • Rotate your giant compost heap
  • Take up falconry
  • Go to the town square and view the public execution
  • Build a church to one of the old gods
  • Impromptu Maypole
  • Follow some breadcrumbs
  • Find that witch that’s been stealing everyone’s firstborn and tell her to knock it off
  • Steal the gnome’s hat
  • Get your busker license and busk
  • Watch some TV

Why I Don’t Wanna Write

  • I’m Lazy
  • Y’all Ain’t Paying Me Anything
  • They’re Watching Me
  • My Fingers Are Broken
  • I’ve Outsourced My Writing to India
  • Everything that Can be Said has Been Said
  • I Only Know Unspeakable Words
  • Packets Keep Being Lost
  • In Too Busy Saving the world
  • The World is About to End
  • Writing is Dead
  • There are Gremlins in the Machine
  • I Can’t Find a Pen
  • Shia LaBeouf Keeps Plagiarising Me
  • All Week be Destroyed by the Passage of Time
  • Why Write when I Can Dance?
  • I’m Too Busy Eating
  • You Don’t Have to Write a Script Before You Start Shooting the Film Nowadays
  • I’ve Decided to Start Communicating Via Telepathy
  • Only the Squirrels Really Understand Me
  • You can Already Read My Mind
  • My Ghostwriter has been Ressurected
  • Nobody has an Attention Span Anymore

Gnomes I Have Met

  • Shorty Dewbubble King of the Eastern Field Mice
  • Grathport Shamberdert Champion of the Acorn Knights
  • Ariana Finepebble Princess Elect of the Amphibious Pipsqueaks
  • Nathan of the Fairpetals
  • Chodesworth Cobblespurt the Butt-Gnome
  • Ivy Wallcrawler the Wall-Gnome
  • Seline the Crawlspace Dweller
  • Peter Dinklage
  • Thumbhigh Johnson
  • George the Pea
  • Lily the Orifice Spelunker
  • Teeny Tina
  • Jane Caterpillar Rider
  • Beans McMinuscule
  • Mighty Mite
  • Pinky Who Lives in My Teapot
  • Jenny the Slight
  • Pocket Weasel
  • Smallie Bigs

Things They Should Make Movies About

  • Brian Pepper’s Life Story
  • The Jos. Louis Story
  • Journey to the Centre of the Tootsie Roll Pop
  • Macho Man Randy Savage Saves Guy Fawkes Day
  • A Movie About the Ferengi from Star Trek
  • A Movie About Barclay from Star Trek
  • A Movie About Barkley from Sesame Street
  • Sam Rockwell and Dax Shepard Team Up to Confuse Me
  • That Damn Sequel to The Dark Crystal
  • A Musical About Squirrel Girl
  • Jeff Goldblum and Christopher Walken Drop Acid
  • MC Hammer VS Army of Darkness
  • Kittens that are Murderers
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