Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #30


They were very old and unsexy people. Come to think of it… One of them may have just needed special pillows for a back problem.

And now he’s dead.

Was his last movie Independence Day 2? That’s sad.

I only care if they find life if that life happens to also be tasty.

Can you get Botox injections inside your nose?

You might think that I eat an awful lot of Halloween candy for an adult. And you’d be right.

I’ve had a certain tab open for about two years now. I can’t close it because of nostalgia.

And about a quarter of those are Wincest images.

Did you know that many teas are actually supposed to be steeped at less than 100 degrees? Also never wash your teapot.

Kids are all super fat these days, so I guess it’s not that bad that the Halloween candy is getting smaller.



Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #27


They make Cadbury Eggs so small these days that it hardly even spoiled my diet.

…I think that this is the worst joke that I have ever made.

My dog is made out of magic… and poop.

It doesn’t have to be an animal that actually exists for my soul to identify with it. Stop fursecuting me!

We’re not even wearing a giant trench coat or anything. We’re just brazenly walking about, a tower of toddlers, and nobody seems to notice or care.

I don’t remember what this was about. Apparently, the Hamburglar was being a douche?

Alright, Laurel, you sit in the middle on the way there and your little brother will take it on the way back.

Later: Your little brother is cranky, so can you take the middle so that he doesn’t throw a tantrum?


Why can’t he just wear down his claws on the couch like the cats?

It was my suggestion…

Now, imagine a mashup of Human Centipede with Teeth…

Really, why was the giant manchild wearing bondage gear? It’s hard to believe that that’s what he choose to wear himself.

I’m pretty sure that one of the “greens” was actually just lawn grass.




Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #13

The past has returned. The past of twitter.

I would eat a sandwich for every meal, if I could.

And, yet, I don’t feel like I’ve missed much.

I actually think that Ethan Phillips is a really good actor.

Robocop 2 where every character is played by a fluffy kitten!

Actually, I think that this is an event that happened in real life.

And we used to watch R-rated movies all the time, because I have an older brother and sister, too. But those damn wheeler bastards…

One day I’m going to go on a rant about how I think that action stars have gotten way too bulky.

Remember when the wrestling clown would fight the voodoo priest? The 90s were stupid.

What’s the polar opposite of quirky?

I need me one of those cake pop makers.


Well, that’s all for now. GOODBYE!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday – Paint Your Wagon

I watched Paint Your Wagon. It was a long, arduous process, that I would have never gotten through, if I hadn’t been playing around with my phone during it.

In case you don’t know, Paint Your Wagon is a musical about cowboys, starring Lee Marvin, Clint Eastwood and Jean Seberg and it is awful.

I always thought this was just a joke, because it just seems like a really, really bad idea for a film.

Don’t play this drinking game. You will die.

Clint Eastwood acts all gentle and cute in this film. It’s really disconcerting.

Seriously, it’s too cute.

Nothing like a bunch of grizzled, gruff cowboys tenderly slow-dancing together.

Someone has actually told me that I look like a mountain man in real life.

This was really, really icky.

And the, 5 months later…

…I decided to continue with this awful movie for some reason.

This was really, really icky  as well.

Though, I suppose in frontier times, a cabin was a pretty big deal.

Just ickiness all around.

First, you get the women, then you get the money, then you get the power.

Clint Eastwood’s singing hurts my brains.

Anything goes in the wild Old West.

I believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen an intermission on a DVD. I went and got a snack.

It was the style of the time.

I think this was probably a joke, or it was a magic beaded curtain.

There was a thing about a bear fighting a bull. Maybe something about bear markets and bull markets?

Symbolism! It’s amazing!

Seriously, I watched all 900 hours of this waiting for the part where they paint the wagon and it never happened.

Well, that was pretty disappointing.

Things They Should Make Movies About

  • Brian Pepper’s Life Story
  • The Jos. Louis Story
  • Journey to the Centre of the Tootsie Roll Pop
  • Macho Man Randy Savage Saves Guy Fawkes Day
  • A Movie About the Ferengi from Star Trek
  • A Movie About Barclay from Star Trek
  • A Movie About Barkley from Sesame Street
  • Sam Rockwell and Dax Shepard Team Up to Confuse Me
  • That Damn Sequel to The Dark Crystal
  • A Musical About Squirrel Girl
  • Jeff Goldblum and Christopher Walken Drop Acid
  • MC Hammer VS Army of Darkness
  • Kittens that are Murderers

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday – Independence Day

On July 4th, I got very mad at the movie Independence Day and tweeted about it.

Yeah, so that was pretty pointless.