- Pebbles
- Mice
- Screws
- Thumbtacks
- Ball Bearings
- Stamps
- Matchsticks
- Fleas
- Marbles
- Bottle Caps
- Coins
- Nails
- Pieces of Gum
- Lint
- Molecules
- Ticks
- Ladybugs
- Eyelashes
- Army Men
- Paperclips
- Worry Dolls
- Sprinkles
- Glitter
- Dust
- Pencil Shavings
- Peter Dinklage
- Pills
- Seeds
- Dreams
- Teeth
- Lentils
- Snails
- Pixies
- Breath Mints
- Knuckle Bones
- Germs
The One Rule is to Write
I’m starting to think getting back into NaBloPoMo was a bad idea. I can’t think of anything to write. I don’t want to write. But the rule is that you must post every day for the entire month, and that’s what I’m going to do.
The weather: it’s pretty mild out still, but it’s very damp and keeps raining.
Music: I’ve been getting into Grace Jones lately.
Food: a metric crap-load of fun size chocolate bars counts as dinner, right?
Aspirations: someday, I’m going to own a big sports bar.
TV: I’ve been watching Gotham. I wonder if that one guy is the Riddler?
Pants: bootcut jeans
Dog: fluffy
Butts: plump
Jiggy: with it
Favourite Stooge: Moe
Eggs: poached
Ketchup or Catsup: ketchup
Why: because
20 Litres and a Pound of Butter up a Hill
So I go to the store and I get myself 8 bottles of pop, a jug of milk and stick of butter. The checkout girl and the manager were all like, “Are you sure that you don’t want any help with that?” and I was all like, “Nah, I got this.”
And so, I grabbed all my bags, waltzed on out of the store and carried it all up the steep hill to the house.
My refusal to give in to the convenience of a granny cart has resulted in the formation of giant scary muscles in my arms.
I’m going to use my awesome muscles to punch stuff and commit supervillanry.
“Eric Conveys an Emotion” is Going to Update! Just You Wait and See!
Here’s a small confession of mine: I check on several long-dead websites, which I enjoyed way back when, with alarming frequency, even though I’m almost entirely sure that they will never update ever again.
The problem is that many people don’t seem to leave goodbye posts. It’s just business as usual, until things stop abruptly. There’s so many webcomics, that I used to follow that just stopped in the middle of a storyline without explanation. I’m pretty sure that these people didn’t die suddenly, but I guess in a way part of them did. One day they just stopped, writing, drawing, singing etc. and never started up again.
Or maybe they just got tired of sharing their talents with the internet. I can understand that. The internet is stupid.
Maybe they found a more productive use of their time.
In any case, there’s always this hope inside me. They didn’t really give up. They’re just in hibernation. They’re lying in wait. They’ll be back and they’ll be better. Otherwise, why would they keep paying for their domain names and hosting? Huh? I’ll keep checking. One day my faith will be rewarded with more of what I used to enjoy. I’m greedy, I guess.
The internet is littered with the corpses of a billion dead projects and once in a while I like to prod them with a stick to see if they twitch. (Ick.)
Anyway, go bug Emotion Eric and tell him his dead website is causing me existential malaise.
I think that I’m going to rewrite this later. I can’t really get my thoughts straight on this subject at the moment. Also, I’m missing a bunch of commas.
This Energy Drink is Doing Nothing for Me
I drank all 473 mL of this energy drink jazz and I ain’t got any more energy than I had a few minutes ago.
I think this might be a crock.
What are taurine and guarana anyway?
So very, very tired. Woke up at 6AM, don’t ya know.
Maybe I should just take up drinking coffee. Buy me some $10 dirty boot water from the Starbucks.
I wish that I was capable of photosynthesis. Wouldn’t help me much right now, seeing as it’s night and all. I could get a sun lamp though.
I bought some energy gum one time at a gas station in the United States. It gave me a rapid heart beat. It also tasted horrible. You can buy a lot of weird stuff in gas stations.
Sleepy.
I hear that trepanation can give you more energy. I should try that. Where’s my drill?
I rest my eyes and then it will be all over.
I dreamt about two giant red beetles creaking all over my room the other night. I hope that doesn’t happen again.
Conversations With My Dog
I talk to my dog a lot…
Interrogations
- Why do you have a moustache?
- Who said you could be a dog?
- What is your tail even for?
- What’s with all of these feets?
- Who is this guy even supposed to be?
- Why is your face so squishy?
- Why are you so tiny?
- Why are you so cute?
- Why don’t you wear pants?
Accusations
- You’re just a moustache with a dog attached!
- You don’t even know what your butt is for!
- You don’t even know that you’re a dog!
- You’re just a miniature-sized bear-beast pretending to be a dog!
- You have a severe moustache disorder!
- You’re ridiculous!
- You just sit around in your pyjamas all day!
- You’re not a real dog!
- This guy is just a guy!
- You don’t have the proper license to be a dog!
Proclamations
- You’re the world’s most fuzziest guys!
- You’re the smallest guy that ever lived!
- You have a moustache!
- You’re tiny!
- You’re a bear!
- You’re my best guys!
- I’m going to eat you!
And, of course, he just stares back at me with a confused look on his face…
…But that’s how humans also respond to me sooooooo…