Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #31


Granted, the “angry” thing was just a turbulent sea, but that was incredibly violent imagery for Bob Ross.

My god, the contrast was staggering.

Yeah, I don’t care if you’re turning right. Pedestrians have right of way and forcing people to jaywalk is just damned rude.

Just when you think that bagel technology has progressed just about as far as it can go, humanity makes a breakthrough that shatters the previous generation’s bagel record.

Truly, these are the bagels for the Information Age.

He shows me that he loves me by farting and begging for cheese. Then the cheese makes him fart some more.


Laurel, there are people who are starving and don’t have access to clean water, and here you are bathing in chocolate.

Fuck you, I got mine.

With style. You take the Ritz off with style.

I buy a six-pack for my ribs and a six-pack for my tummy.

Seriously, remove those fabric pills. It instantly makes a sweater less frumpy.

I sure really lay off the weird spicy spirits. For one thing, they’re always using spice to cover up that it’s a poor quality liquor and then I wake up with a headache.




Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #18


Yeah, Science, get on it already.

Now, he’s my least favourite sun god.

Truly, it was the holiest of days.

I don’t mess with anything that can pounce on me from above.

Urgh. I was just imagining what that would smell like.

Where am I supposed to put my crayon drawings?

I have such nostalgia for commercial breaks.

I want to go back in time and be the guy who leaves caches of enchanted weapons in random places.

You should see how much my face swells up when I mow the lawn.

I will sit there with my indecisiveness until the time reads “999”.



Things That You Can Place in a Small Box

  • Pebbles
  • Mice
  • Screws
  • Thumbtacks
  • Ball Bearings
  • Stamps
  • Matchsticks
  • Fleas
  • Marbles
  • Bottle Caps
  • Coins
  • Nails
  • Pieces of Gum
  • Lint
  • Molecules
  • Ticks
  • Ladybugs
  • Eyelashes
  • Army Men
  • Paperclips
  • Worry Dolls
  • Sprinkles
  • Glitter
  • Dust
  • Pencil Shavings
  • Peter Dinklage
  • Pills
  • Seeds
  • Dreams
  • Teeth
  • Lentils
  • Snails
  • Pixies
  • Breath Mints
  • Knuckle Bones
  • Germs