Winter Hope

Category: Regular Nonsense Tags: , , , , Comments: 0

I hope that we don’t have another polar vortex this year. We really don’t need another snowmegeddon, snowpocalypse or snownarok.

I hope I don’t have to break out my thermal underpants, just to walk the dog.

I hope that I don’t have to chug hot chocolate to stay warm. (I will do it anyway, though.)

I hope global warming causes a year-round summer.

I hope that I don’t have to do that thing where you wear, like, three pairs of socks, in order to keep your toes from freezing solid and falling off.

I hope that I don’t have to fight that yeti again this year.

I hope that I don’t have to fight Santa VS the Snowman.

I hope that they re-release Die Hard, so that I can see it on the big screen or the first time.

I hope that the snow never gets too high for the pizza delivery guy.

I hope that the snow doesn’t knock the internet out

I hope that the polar bears don’t get me.

I hope that the whore frost doesn’t steal my man.

I hope that I can find snowshoes in my size.

I hope that a snowy owl won’t claw my eyes out.

I hope that The Day After Tomorrow doesn’t happen and a glacier chases me down a hallway.

I hope for delicious mulled wine to loll me to sleep.

I hope for Emo Philips to LOL me to sleep.

I hope or a luxurious winter coat made from lemur pelts.

I hope that the stupid Polar Express, with its mutant dead-eyed children, stays the Hell away from me.

I hope that I become the new Queen of Winter.

Things That You Can Place in a Small Box

Category: Regular Nonsense Tags: , , , , Comments: 0
  • Pebbles
  • Mice
  • Screws
  • Thumbtacks
  • Ball Bearings
  • Stamps
  • Matchsticks
  • Fleas
  • Marbles
  • Bottle Caps
  • Coins
  • Nails
  • Pieces of Gum
  • Lint
  • Molecules
  • Ticks
  • Ladybugs
  • Eyelashes
  • Army Men
  • Paperclips
  • Worry Dolls
  • Sprinkles
  • Glitter
  • Dust
  • Pencil Shavings
  • Peter Dinklage
  • Pills
  • Seeds
  • Dreams
  • Teeth
  • Lentils
  • Snails
  • Pixies
  • Breath Mints
  • Knuckle Bones
  • Germs

The One Rule is to Write

Categories: Personal, Regular Nonsense Tags: , , , , Comments: 0

I’m starting to think getting back into NaBloPoMo was a bad idea. I can’t think of anything to write. I don’t want to write. But the rule is that you must post every day for the entire month, and that’s what I’m going to do.

The weather: it’s pretty mild out still, but it’s very damp and keeps raining.

Music: I’ve been getting into Grace Jones lately.

Food: a metric crap-load of fun size chocolate bars counts as dinner, right?

Aspirations: someday, I’m going to own a big sports bar.

TV: I’ve been watching Gotham. I wonder if that one guy is the Riddler?

Pants: bootcut jeans

Dog: fluffy

Butts: plump

Jiggy: with it

Favourite Stooge: Moe

Eggs: poached

Ketchup or Catsup: ketchup

Why: because

“Eric Conveys an Emotion” is Going to Update! Just You Wait and See!

Category: Internet Nonsense Tags: , , , , Comments: 0

Here’s a small confession of mine: I check on several long-dead websites, which I enjoyed way back when, with alarming frequency, even though I’m almost entirely sure that they will never update ever again.

The problem is that many people don’t seem to leave goodbye posts. It’s just business as usual, until things stop abruptly. There’s so many webcomics, that I used to follow that just stopped in the middle of a storyline without explanation. I’m pretty sure that these people didn’t die suddenly, but I guess in a way part of them did. One day they just stopped, writing, drawing, singing etc. and never started up again.

Or maybe they just got tired of sharing their talents with the internet. I can understand that. The internet is stupid.

Maybe they found a more productive use of their time.

In any case, there’s always this hope inside me. They didn’t really give up. They’re just in hibernation. They’re lying in wait. They’ll be back and they’ll be better. Otherwise, why would they keep paying for their domain names and hosting? Huh? I’ll keep checking. One day my faith will be rewarded with more of what I used to enjoy. I’m greedy, I guess.

The internet is littered with the corpses of a billion dead projects and once in a while I like to prod them with a stick to see if they twitch. (Ick.)

Anyway, go bug Emotion Eric and tell him his dead website is causing me existential malaise.

I think that I’m going to rewrite this later. I can’t really get my thoughts straight on this subject at the moment. Also, I’m missing a bunch of commas.

Conversations With My Dog

Category: Regular Nonsense Tags: , , , , Comments: 0

I talk to my dog a lot…

a drawing of laurel's shih tzu dog
Tibet wouldn’t stay still, so this colouration is all wrong.

Interrogations 

  • Why do you have a moustache?
  • Who said you could be a dog?
  • What is your tail even for?
  • What’s with all of these feets?
  • Who is this guy even supposed to be?
  • Why is your face so squishy?
  • Why are you so tiny?
  • Why are you so cute?
  • Why don’t you wear pants?

Accusations

  • You’re just a moustache with a dog attached!
  • You don’t even know what your butt is for!
  • You don’t even know that you’re a dog!
  • You’re just a miniature-sized bear-beast pretending to be a dog!
  • You have a severe moustache disorder!
  • You’re ridiculous!
  • You just sit around in your pyjamas all day!
  • You’re not a real dog!
  • This guy is just a guy!
  • You don’t have the proper license to be a dog!

Proclamations

  • You’re the world’s most fuzziest guys!
  • You’re the smallest guy that ever lived!
  • You have a moustache!
  • You’re tiny!
  • You’re a bear!
  • You’re my best guys!
  • I’m going to eat you!

And, of course, he just stares back at me with a confused look on his face…

…But that’s how humans also respond to me sooooooo…