Re-reading my tweets because I can never remember things that I have said before. I am always repeating myself.
I need a British person to explain the appeal of Countdown to me, because it looks like the most boring show of all time.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 10, 2014
So, it’s like Boggle, only different?
Countdown, the show where you win a teapot, but you already have a teapot because you're British.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 10, 2014
Seriously, that’s the grand prize, a stupid teapot.
I've got a great idea! Make it so that people have to move their eyes in a spirally zigzag motion to read things in chronological order!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 12, 2014
I really, really hate tessellated website layouts and I talk about it a lot.
My whole life I've wanted to suplex someone. #wrestling #silly #MachoMadness
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 19, 2014
Preferably my little brother.
My knee smells like sweet and sour pork. #Foodie
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 1, 2014
I did it. I ate my knee. I can’t walk now.
They need to make the Puppy Academy Awards for the rest of us to watch. #Oscars
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 3, 2014
I wonder if Leonardo DiCaprio would be more like to win a Puppy Academy Award.
Quick oats take longer to cook than minute oats? What kind of horrible universe is this!? #cooking
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 6, 2014
This is truly a frightening and unjust universe.
It still astounds me, every time I read about it, that there was actual mass hysteria over supposed satanic cults in the 80s.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 27, 2014
Yes, seriously, people in the US were arrested and went to jail for being accused of satanic worship in the 1980s. Most of the convictions were overturned, but there’s at least one person still in jail, I believe.
At what age will it become acceptable for me to just wear a velour tracksuit everywhere? #fashion
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 27, 2014
I want to dress like an old, lazy mafia guy.
Is it a joke? Yes, all the things are jokes, not just today, but every day. #AprilFools #Ennui
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 1, 2014
Wow. This is like philosophical, or something.