Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #23

I think that I have obsessive compulsive disorder.

Remember the Hell that was 2015?

…What?

…Who?

Remember that creepy Pregnant Barbie?

Skipper isn’t even a name.

I like my Kens blond and dumb as a post.

It’s “brunet”, but I prefer to say “brunbro”.

My fighting clothes are dangerous eye irritants.

The house that I grew up in didn’t even have a doorbell.

I are good at cooking!

 

Blargh bloog bloop!

Why I Don’t Wanna Write

  • I’m Lazy
  • Y’all Ain’t Paying Me Anything
  • They’re Watching Me
  • My Fingers Are Broken
  • I’ve Outsourced My Writing to India
  • Everything that Can be Said has Been Said
  • I Only Know Unspeakable Words
  • Packets Keep Being Lost
  • In Too Busy Saving the world
  • The World is About to End
  • Writing is Dead
  • There are Gremlins in the Machine
  • I Can’t Find a Pen
  • Shia LaBeouf Keeps Plagiarising Me
  • All Week be Destroyed by the Passage of Time
  • Why Write when I Can Dance?
  • I’m Too Busy Eating
  • You Don’t Have to Write a Script Before You Start Shooting the Film Nowadays
  • I’ve Decided to Start Communicating Via Telepathy
  • Only the Squirrels Really Understand Me
  • You can Already Read My Mind
  • My Ghostwriter has been Ressurected
  • Nobody has an Attention Span Anymore

Gnomes I Have Met

  • Shorty Dewbubble King of the Eastern Field Mice
  • Grathport Shamberdert Champion of the Acorn Knights
  • Ariana Finepebble Princess Elect of the Amphibious Pipsqueaks
  • Nathan of the Fairpetals
  • Chodesworth Cobblespurt the Butt-Gnome
  • Ivy Wallcrawler the Wall-Gnome
  • Seline the Crawlspace Dweller
  • Peter Dinklage
  • Thumbhigh Johnson
  • George the Pea
  • Lily the Orifice Spelunker
  • Teeny Tina
  • Jane Caterpillar Rider
  • Beans McMinuscule
  • Mighty Mite
  • Pinky Who Lives in My Teapot
  • Jenny the Slight
  • Pocket Weasel
  • Smallie Bigs

I Made a Really Tasty Chicken Today

Oh, yeah, it was the best chicken what I ever did cook. I finally got the amount of the time in the slow cooker and under the broiler right.

And you can’t have any of it.

My chicken. MINE.

I ate most of it with carrots. You can’t have any of my carrots either.

I will probably eat the rest of the chicken tomorrow in a sandwich.

I like cooking chickens and I will continue coking chickens throughout most of my life. You will not be able to stop me.

I saw a chicken that could play tic-tac-toe at the fair once. I would even cook and eat a talented chicken such as that. I do not discriminate between chickens. All will see the inside of my belly.

What’s that thing where you only eat fish? An episcopalian? I’m like that, but with poultry. Oh, just looked it up and it’s a pollotarian. The internet is great. I could have gone my whole life without earning that, but I looked it up instantly on the internet. The future is now.

I wonder if you could teach that tic-tac-toe chicken to use the internet. It would probably spend all its time looking up pictures of cloacae.

Why did the chicken cross the information superhighway?

People Keep Dropping Off Sprockets at My House

What? Do they think this is a steampunk convention?

Do they think that I’m a mad scientist building evil robots or something? I’m actually an angry scientist.

Is this a prank by those kids who like the animes?

What good are sprockets without chains? I only have half of the equation here!

They could have at least washed off the grease, before they dropped them on my welcome mat. How am I to clean up this mess?

It’s times like these that I wish that I knew how to ride a bike. Bike need sprockets, right?

Can I use these to repair my RoboCop?

Maybe I’ll build a giant mech, that’ll show those fools.

How much is scrap metal going for these days? I’m asking for a friend of mine.

At least I’ll never go hungry again.

Would you like to touch my monkey?

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