I don’t really know why I feel the need to back my tweets up here. Would Twitter ever just eat all my tweets one day? It’s probably more likely that my website would die.
And I never have anything important to say there, anyway.
Make a sammich by myself with my own two hands? What is this, the dark ages?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 22, 2013
They promised us that if we won World War II, that robots would be making our sammiches by now.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 22, 2013
Our youth are being forced into horrible conditions making sammiches round the clock to pay off our debt to China. This is not my America!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 22, 2013
And the award for best sammich in my belly goes to ham & havarti. Accepting on their behalf is diet cola.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 25, 2013
I’m awful serious about the sammiches.
I can't believe that Edible Arrangements doesn't make fruit hats.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 1, 2013
Carmen Miranda-ing would be way more fun to do to your enemies than glitter bombing.
I find that using Irish Spring as a hand soap is disconcerting.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 6, 2013
It should really only be used on the armpits of teenage boys.
Ugh. I wonder if there is a way to remove something that I posted on Usenet twenty years ago?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 14, 2013
The Net has it forever and ever and ever.
My socks keep flipping heel side up :'(
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 18, 2013
This is one of the reasons that I don’t wear socks, unless it’s really, really cold.
I cite all of these reboots, remakes and reimaginings as evidence that we're trapped in a karmic loop.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 22, 2013
We need to break the cycle and achieve cinematic nirvana!
Tables can have legs and feet but they never have ankles.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 23, 2013
Really. Think about it.
Well, that’s all for today.
Go do something useful.