Guys guys guys! Get in here! #BobRoss is making an ANGRY painting!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 30, 2015
Granted, the “angry” thing was just a turbulent sea, but that was incredibly violent imagery for Bob Ross.
When #BobRoss breaks out the black canvas, you know shit is about to get real.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 30, 2015
My god, the contrast was staggering.
If one more person stops their car inside a crosswalk, I may just walk right over their car.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) November 6, 2015
Yeah, I don’t care if you’re turning right. Pedestrians have right of way and forcing people to jaywalk is just damned rude.
My local supermarket’s flyer promises “Bagel Innovations”. IS SUCH A THING POSSIBLE!? #BagelBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) November 7, 2015
Just when you think that bagel technology has progressed just about as far as it can go, humanity makes a breakthrough that shatters the previous generation’s bagel record.
Truly, these are the bagels for the Information Age.
I hugged my dog and he farted. 😕 #pets
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) November 15, 2015
He shows me that he loves me by farting and begging for cheese. Then the cheese makes him fart some more.
PETS ARE WONDERFUL!
I’m going to invent the hot cocoa hot tub and then I’m going to live in it. #ComfyBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) November 18, 2015
Laurel, there are people who are starving and don’t have access to clean water, and here you are bathing in chocolate.
Fuck you, I got mine.
They’re always telling you to put on the Ritz, but they don’t tell you how to take it off. #derp
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 1, 2015
With style. You take the Ritz off with style.
I don’t know why I bother with fancy rubs. You just got to pour beer on meat to make tasty.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 8, 2015
I buy a six-pack for my ribs and a six-pack for my tummy.
How did I live for so many years without a fabric pill remover!? #GameChanger
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 8, 2015
Seriously, remove those fabric pills. It instantly makes a sweater less frumpy.
Hey, want to wake up with the worst heartburn ever? Drink ginger wine! #GingerCrisis
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 9, 2015
I sure really lay off the weird spicy spirits. For one thing, they’re always using spice to cover up that it’s a poor quality liquor and then I wake up with a headache.
SLOOOOOOORP!