Wiggly meteor with a wavy tail? #geminids
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 13, 2015
According to the internet, this may not have been a meteor at all and may have been a flare that someone fired off, which just makes the event all that more bizarre. I guess someone was trying to signal for help and I didn’t come to their aid. :/
I bought 1kg of irregular chocolate cherries. Am… Am I going to die?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 17, 2015
Does it still count as a fruit serving when it’s surrounded by chocolate?
What kind of weird dog begs for peas?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 18, 2015
The snuggle-pooch goes nuts for peas. He sits there and whines at me like he’s starving to death, until I give him my peas.
What kind of weird human eats a bunch of peas for breakfast?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 18, 2015
VEGETABLES ARE GOOD FOR YOU!
My new nationality is Phlegmish.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 19, 2015
The Phlegmish are a very stuck-up and snotty people.
I need to train a monkey to wait for packages for me.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 22, 2015
Hey, people building apartment buildings, include some sort of parcel drop-off box so that your tenants don’t constantly complain about their stupid Amazon crap getting stolen.
Die Hard? Pff. It's not Christmas unless you also watch Die Harder, preferably on TBS. Yippee Ki Yay Mr. Falcon and a Happy New Year!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 23, 2015
Mr. Falcon didn’t fly so good.
A guy came out on his balcony to serenade me with his banjo, which was cute, but I was holding a bag of dog poop, so I ran away.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 26, 2015
Maybe, I should have gone up and talked to him, even though I was carrying a bag of poop? People say that cute little dogs are babe-magnets, but they always fail to factor in all the poop.
Please, please, please let the Canadian dollar rebound before I visit the US. :(
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) December 31, 2015
Remember parity? Wasn’t that a golden age?
The 2kg lasagna was a poor choice.
I am become Garfield.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 5, 2016
Are people taking bets on the date of my inevitable coronary event, yet?
BLARGH!