The neighbours just carried an assortment of sex pillows into their house. I hope they’re building a dungeon. This town needs one. #GetIt
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) September 22, 2015
They were very old and unsexy people. Come to think of it… One of them may have just needed special pillows for a back problem.
Robert Loggia? #RobertLoggia
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) September 27, 2015
And now he’s dead.
ROBERT LOGGIA! #ROBERTLOGGIA
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) September 27, 2015
Was his last movie Independence Day 2? That’s sad.
But have they found liquid beer yet? #MarsAnnouncement
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) September 28, 2015
I only care if they find life if that life happens to also be tasty.
One day I would like to be able to eat spicy food in public, but the world isn’t ready for my pathetic snot torrent. #bleh
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 7, 2015
Can you get Botox injections inside your nose?
Hmmmm… My tongue is bleeding. Better eat more Rockets. #HalloweenProblems
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 19, 2015
You might think that I eat an awful lot of Halloween candy for an adult. And you’d be right.
Is there anything more depressing than when the tabs loose their favicons?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 19, 2015
I’ve had a certain tab open for about two years now. I can’t close it because of nostalgia.
Is 1 out of every 20 images on the internet a screenshot of Supernatural? I swear it shows up in every image search.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 24, 2015
And about a quarter of those are Wincest images.
My kingdom for a variable temperature kettle. I burnt the tea again. 😢 #SadLiquid
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 25, 2015
Did you know that many teas are actually supposed to be steeped at less than 100 degrees? Also never wash your teapot.
Bought some Halloween candy. “Fun Size” is now more like “Fuck You Size”. #HalloweenBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) October 26, 2015
Kids are all super fat these days, so I guess it’s not that bad that the Halloween candy is getting smaller.
GRAGH!