GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
My life is a never-ending hell of chasing down what’s causing the extra whitespace.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 11, 2015
Hey, it’s 1 extra pixel causing a horizontal scrollbar… I’ma gonna go shoot myself in the face.
Everything needs more and bigger pockets.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 15, 2015
I haven’t been able to fit a cellphone in my pocket in 10 years.
See #DontPanic trending and get really excited. Learn it’s some Kardashian crap and enter a dark depression.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 17, 2015
I forget what this was about, but I expected to see a green alien sticking its tongue out at me and instead I got a bunch of smug, plastic humans.
I’m duel wielding carrots.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 21, 2015
I also duel-wield celery. I’m highly proficient in vegetable combat.
Lousy relentless march of time…
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 27, 2015
Well, Time doesn’t so much as march as it flounces about haughtily, the bitch.
Yer damn straight I put ketchup up on that piece!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 28, 2015
Do people not put ketchup on things? I used to have this shitty boyfriend who had to make a comment every time I put ketchup on something, because he thought it was weird.
#Facebook just asked if I knew myself. Algorithms be getting philosophical, yo.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 28, 2015
I’ve been to Facebook, but I’ve never been to me.
"rising crust" my ass. #PizzaBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 1, 2015
The crust on frozen pizza never does what it’s supposed to do, but if I attempted to make my own pizza, I’d probably burn the house down.
Does anybody with a hazmat suit want to deal with some ancient Clamato for me? #IckyBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 3, 2015
I left that Clamato in there even after I moved out. I hope that someone has fun with it.
Hmmmm, how long can I survive on tea and frozen mixed berries? #StarvationBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) March 3, 2015
Half an hour. Then I needed to get more pizza.
MURP! GURP! DURP!