I’ma keep doing this until you like it.
Hey, my old Friendster account still exists, but Friendster is something different and weird now. #BlortSnort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 24, 2015
Can someone tell me how the Hell Friendster metamorphosized into an Asian gaming website?
Store brand cola #foodie
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 26, 2015
It’s only $0.88.
Well, delivery duder I did my best to dig out a pathway, but the snowbank is a solid block of ice and I ain’t giving myself a heart attack.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 30, 2015
Lousy Polar Vortex…
In other news: I just bashed through a giant ice block with the claw of a hammer. Who wants to squeeze my muscle?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 30, 2015
I should have just paid for a plow or some neighbour kid to take care of it.
Well, delivery guy just decided to park in a weird place and climb over the snowbank. All my efforts were for nought. NOUGHT!
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) January 30, 2015
The snowbank was about 6 feet high. I was worried he was going to break his neck.
Who cares what imposter Wiarton Willie has to say?
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 2, 2015
It Canada, our celebrity albino groundhog died unexpectedly just before Groundhog day, so they tried to pass an new groundhog off as the old one, but people could tell the difference. It was quite the controversy. Canada is adorable.
I just put barbecue sauce with bacon bits in it on some pork ribs. #foodie #FoodBlort
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 3, 2015
My grandfather had his first heart attack in his 30s. I probably shouldn’t do things like this.
To Mock a Killingbird
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 3, 2015
A group of crows is called a “murder”. This a fact that people constantly feel the need to inform be of, as if I didn’t already learn it as a small child. I read books once and a while, you know.
There’s a guy across the street who’s on his roof shoveling snow. It’s causing me anxiety.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 5, 2015
There has to be a better way!
I hate every can opener.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) February 8, 2015
Why does every can opener break in the middle of the night, when I only have soup in the house and I can’t go out to get more food?
And now I shall return to my evil deeds!